I've Decided to Be A Recluse
I've decided to become a recluse. People are stupid. Who needs them? I'm going to get a shitty 3 day a week job, a small carpeted apartment and a 4 track tape recorder and never talk to anybody again. For the first few months I will order all my groceries over the internet and then when I can be bothered I'm going to dig up my backyard and turn it into a subsistence farm. I won't run the risk of having to converse with neighbours in awkward over the fence small talk because I will hire cheap Korean child labour to do all my farm work for me. The farm will have a rice paddy, a cow, a capsicum patch, onion patch and carrot patch so that I can eat Beef in Black Bean Sauce every meal of the day. The Korean children will make the black bean sauce because I couldn't be bothered learning how. Think this a joke? Well, check out this highly detailed plan:
To keep me company in my exile will be a mix tape of songs which revel in indulgent introversion so as to not make me feel in any way curious about the outside world. On top of this, a small collection of DVD's of films and TV shows with cynical, lazy protagonists will reaffirm my disdain towards anything social. In between recording a magnum opus of rock (which I won't ever play to anyone) I will watch these films and listen to this mix tape constantly and never get sick of it. The collection is as follows:
Mix Tape
I hate you.
Mix Tape
- Eels - Things the Grandchildren Should Know
- Eels - Lone Wolf
- Eels - Love of the Loveless
- Leonard Cohen - The Future
- The Velvet Underground - Femme Fatale
- The Beach Boys - Caroline, No
- J Mascis - Everybody Lets Me Down
- Gentle Ben and His Sensitive Side - I Don't Think She Loves Me
- Nick Cave - People Ain't No Good
- Nick Cave - Where Do We Go Now But Nowhere
- Eels - Packing Blankets
- Crimes and Misdemeanours
- The Big Lebowski
- Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1
- Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 2
- Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 3
- Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 4
- Black Books Season 1
I hate you.
posted by Biggles @ 9:26 pm
16 Comments:
Jack says its a good idea and you should do it. Jack believes the world to be over-rated anyway. Jack has just a few questions:
Will the children be used as sex slaves?
Will Koskov talk to Jack through Koskov's blog?
Jacks thinks the picture of the cow is fantastic!
Jack says Good Bye Old Friend
i agree with jack, the cow is a fine piece of artistry.
may i ask why you wish to become a recluse? i tried it once and it wasnt that good. some c*** came and jumped on my foot and ate my junifer berries.
HerdMaster
-Your cows will be my cows.
Koskov,
I suggest, as part of your Sunday night Hitchcock festival, you next watch Rear Window.
I think this is a lifestyle you could emulate, though possibly without the stunning girlfriend who is half your age. Nevertheless, the principle applies. All you need is a telescope and your little shrivelled up doodle.
Rear Window.
Regards,
my local video store quite criminally does not have a copy of Rear Window. They also do not have a copy of Dr. Strangelove. How do they sleep at night?
Instead I am continuing my odyssey through Woody Allen's back catalogue. Now there's a lifestyle I could emulate - a loveable neurotic running around complaining about everything.
I want to be a jew.
Watch 'The Third Man'.
You could be the Third Man.
I like this film, along with Strangers on a Train it's my favourite film noir.
Regards,
alright - its pencilled in. My next video store adventure will involve me gettin the Third Man and Manhattan.
and Saw, make sure you get Saw.
It is one the greatest movies ever.
Just do it.
I suggest re-watching Closer as many times as possible.
OR....alternatively you could watch 'Closer' once and then burn the movie in a ritualistic sacrifice. (more of a killing really...). A bit like Daryll....(Gonzo conversation, etc etc)
or you could watch Saw, and then go out and do what that guy does to people. how much fun would it be!
you have all seen Saw right...?
i am aware of Saw and the basic premise. I cant speak for everyone here.
What has happened to The Great Doctor? Has he retired? ... Is he sick? ... Has he also become a recluse?...
The Dr has closed the clinic for the remainder of the week, and has set off for a long weekend of horse riding and seances with his child-bride and secretary, Wo.
The clinic will be open on Monday, which is also half-price abortion day.
Regards,
Jack wants to know what type of horse riding the doctor will be doing, and whether the doctor will actually be riding a horse, or it is a metaphore. get it .. metawhore.
Also, jack will need an abortion done on monday, jack is happy it will be half price, cause that is what price jack got the girl for.
Jack is so funny tonight, that jack is on fire!
Jack also agrees with the cow man, and recomends Saw, it is so fucked up it is fun.
Dear Jack,
please do not refer to me as the 'cow man'. i am the herd master, the leader, the bringer of light.
dear others,
i am also dissapointed that noone saw my joke in my debute post on this blog. surely you can all see it.
thank you all.
Jack, you are definitely on fire!
I salute you my friend...
How will everyone be filling in their weekend?
Obviously the good Doctor has been spoken for, but the others...i am curious as to whether there will be some tomfoolery!!! HAHAHA.....*sigh*....Im so shit!
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