Dogshit
Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. Bernard Fanning. Vomit.
Vomit everywhere. Everything is just turning into vomit or some slight variation of it. Bodily fluids are disgusting. Think about it. It's ALL shit - even the stuff that isn't.
I didn't achieve anything at uni this week. NO PENIS. I have a test on Monday which I need 60% on the pass the subject. If I sat it now i'd get 25% if I was lucky. It's mothers day so I have to go home but I can't afford to. Everything is vomit. No matter what I do I'm cunted. If I go home, I fail the subejct and I end up living like a piece of shit in a gutter eating my best friend's dandruff for breakfast. If I stay here, my mother will disown me and I will end up living like a piece of shit in a gutter eating my best friend's dandruff for breakfast. The bottom line is that no matter what path I take, it all leads to dandruff-ville.
It reminds me of the second last time I went to a Ball: I had a shortened, average night in which, despite some difficulties, I felt as though I put in a good effort with everybody. At 1 in the morning, as I'm attempting to get some sleep some friends barge through the door and berate me for disowning them, putting in no effort and spending too much time with my girlfriend. It was bollocks but I sat and listened to their whimpy excuse for a diatribe in order that they would leave the room in a calm fashion. 20 minutes later my girlfriend at the time came into the room and berated me for disowning her, putting in no effort and spending too much time with my friends.
Everyone is stupid. Nobody knows what I go through. You're all DICKS. You're worth nothing. Piss off.
The people at Scene think I'm a dull wanker with no redeeming features. I tried to make small talk with them when I went in there last but I came off as boring and unimportant (I wonder why?). Then later on I got in some banter with them in which one of the girls there was described as an 'Intern, like Monica Lewinksy' - I saw an opportunity to be funny and come across as affable but the best line I could think up was 'Ah, so who's the President?'
I'm so unfunny. What kind of fucking one liner was that? The whole president/intern thing was already implied in the initial joke made by the other guys there. What was I adding by saying 'So, who's the president?' NOTHING. NO PENIS.
I'll say it again: VOMIT.
posted by Biggles @ 11:14 pm
17 Comments:
Today I bought a milkshake. It was chocolate flavoured.
I was just like to confirm that it wasn't me who walked into your room. Was it? If it was, it was our friend who made me do it because he is bitter about anyone with a girlfriend, (even though he often has a girlfriend), and can't help but make biting, bitter comments about them.
Good luck with your study.
Tell your mother about the exam, and don't go and visit. It's only mother's day.
Regards
Jack agrees with the doctor, its only mothers day. Jacks mother wont be getting a thing from Jack. zippo.
Jack wants to know, that night Koskovs friends, then girlfriend barged in, koskov still got sex right, ie had to use his BIG PENIS in a role of satisfaction.
Also, you can eat Jack's dandruff. Cause Jack will be eating Jack's dandruff by the end of this semester too.
As a medical doctor I often delve into psychology and psychiatry and psychoanalysis.
Applying my methods,I argue that your constant reference to having no penis, a recent phenomenon in your blog, suggests that your penis has in fact recently 'fallen off', in laymens terms, or in medical terms, you have developed the common disease 'drop penis'. This is not uncommon for men of your age, so don't be embarassed. You may remember my add campaign a few years ago with Pele, where I passed the ball to him, it hit his penis, it fell off, and we both laughed.
So don't be a dumb Australian male, and feel free to discuss the matter at parties, and at your next ball.
You'll suprised at the response. How do I know? I met my wife at a ball with the line "Guess who has no penis? Me. Me."
Regards,
Doc, your comments make me laugh like no other can. Not even my father, who my sister says still drinks too much, a claim to which he invariably replies, "I studied to be a priest".
Thus I had, until this very afternoon, looked upon contemporary humour with a certain trenchant, and volatile, disdain.
It's all changed now.
Your witty and tactful prose is at once both remarkably funny and insightful. Moreover, it carries a sorely-needed social justice ethic. That's what's been missing from comedy. Social justice.
Consider yourself the New Wave of comedy - leading with your wits those who struggle to feed their seventeen ugly, malformed children via a minimum wage. Who live in Ipswich and have a mother named Rachael.
God bless you sir.
//The Sarajevo Seven
Why thankyou, SS.
I argue, though, that your style is the pinnacle of contemporary comedy. I think you should call it post-comedy. You react to comedy, ie me, and also have no sense of humour at all. Witness the fact that your sentence about your father makes no sense at all. Not even your father...what? Your last paragraph is also missing key words.
Now that's funny.
You're a bit stupid aren't you.
You sound like a first year social work student.
Regards,
You've clearly never been to school Doc. A little unsure how to read my stylish, trendsetting compositions?
See you for personal tutoring - friday night. I'll give you a free lesson on how to play Risk too. Pussy.
Love,
The Sarajevo Seven
Doctor Gonzo. Be careful not to copy the writing style of others, it's becoming obvious now.
//MdM
Sorry, I didn't realise you and Yail Bloor had the same writing style for a reason.
Yuri, who is this sarajevo seven person. He is ruining this blog with his crap writing. Why does he always attack Dr Gonzo. Dr Gonzo and Jack are the funniest people on this blog, yet they get attacked by no-names. Can you block Sarajevo Seven.
The fact is, I find myself constantly trying to upstage the raw talent and genius of The Sarajevo Seven. I have poor grammar, punctuation & spelling, and I don't have a clue about anything.
I attack those who are smarter, faster, sexier and stronger than me - namely The Sarajevo Seven.
I am a poor excuse for a man. I live in constant fear and anxiety. I think sitting in my room for the entire duration of a saturday night is fun.
I am interested in Buddhism, and I light incense because I think it smells nice. Doesn't Harrison Ford play a powerful role in 'The Mosquito Coast'?
What a poof.
Dr Gonzo claims credit for no post after 10.26 am. His name has been appropriated by others.
Dr Gonzo will now take a holiday until his identity becomes again solely his.
Thankyou Koskov for your post.
Flithy Dogs!!!
Jack will tolerate bicking amongst losers, but someones name is their name! Jack yells loudly to never take anothers name.
Damn you fools to Hell, may ye burn with the devil sodomising your anus over and over, then your mouth, then ears, nose and finially your eyes.
Tim Graham, De Maggio, Sarajevo Seven, whatever you call yourself. You can't abuse Dr Gonzo as he is much funnier than you. Please don't write again. You are so shit. You wanker!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ve always been a master of the colloquial, but the phrase:
“No matter what I do, I’m cunted ”,
breaks new ground.
Keep affable.
Jack asks the russian to post again. soon, very soon. Jacks life needs meaning and Jack is bored, so bored.
Help Jack Koskov.
Sas, either you are a complete dolt, or Tom is posing as you in a last-ditch effort to prove himself.
You spelt your name wrong.
I'm retiring now.
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