Let's Get Rid of all the Penises

I hate my penis. It's unbelievably annoying. Every other part of my body behaves more or less as it should and when appropriate except for my penis. And it's so high maintenance. Every few days I have to spend time alone with it and do things to it - otherwise it starts having a whinge and it starts agitating me. It needs constant attention. If the penis were a child - its mother would have suffocated it with a pillow before it reached 2 months. No other part of my body bothers me like that. My left arm never does that. My chin never does that. What gives the penis the right to demand so much attention? Who gave it the right?

Also, the penis is always forcing me to persue women. Stupid women who don't deserve to be persued. And I have to change my entire personality and sell my soul in order to get these women and then I have spend all my hard-earned money satisfying their vanity. In fact, even after I go to all the effort of completely eridicating my own individuality and start dressing and acting like a bloody idiot in an attempt to satisfy the penis - I still end up failing. So basically I just end up as penis-whipped loser who gets rid of everything he has ever stood for in order to try and fail to satisfy this badly-behaved, dangly thing which gets hidden under two layers of clothing all the time. I don't deserve this crap.

Why do we do it? Why does the most poorly behaved, disgusting and annoying part of the body get all the attention and power? If Australia's heirarchy of power were the same as the body's, we'd have a Jack Russell Terrier as Prime Minister. I'm not joking.

My solution is to use genetic engineering to destroy all penises. You know it's a good idea. And get rid of all the women. They're no use. All they do is complain and make me feel bad about myself. Now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go find a pair of scissors.