Mark Lobo and Yuri Koskov-Koskov Review 'The Lube Mobile'

The Lube Mobile

Mark's Rating - GPA 6
Yuri's Rating - GPA 1

Review Segment Transcription:

Mark: Yuri, the latest homegrown film to hit the screens in Australia is The Lube Mobile. The hype was huge, with advertisements even cropping up in the yellow pages. Unfortunately, the response was dismal. It appears that this musical/drama ended up slipping right out the back door of the box office and straight on to free to air T.V. A real shame.

Yuri: Well, Mark...

Mark: Oh, here we go...

Yuri: Well, Mark, I can't say I'm too bothered, myself. I thought the film was awful.

Mark: I loved the film. It was fun, exciting, the soundtrack was comparable to a good night out on Broadway...

Yuri: The soundtrack? Don't get me started on the soundtrack! That child who does the lead vocal at the end couldn't sing, not to mention couldn't act! He was cracking up when he went to sing the final line - I'm sure that wasn't in the script...

Mark: Since when was a bit of improvisation and traversing the boundaries of a "script" a crime? When I was in the Wizard of Oz, I used to play all characters at once as I felt the other actors were inadequate. We are seeing the talents of a new child prodigy emerge with the now famous and memorable line "firteen firty firty two". Heck, I even have the "firteen firty firty two" t shirt!

Yuri: Look, even if I agreed with you on that; anyone who saw the film could see that the film just didn't go anywhere. They go to reasonable lengths to establish that the 'Lube Mobile' crew are a band of mechanics going around helping people with car troubles - but then what? It just goes into a montage of children singing some shitty song! I'm sorry, Mark. It was pathetic. Hollywood musical indulgence at its worst.

Mark: Im sorry, but it seems you simply don't understand the meaning of the word 'musical'. 'Musical' is a latin based word derived from the word 'music'. Emphasis here on the word "MUSIC" [Mark does bunny ear quotes]. The music is all that matters in a film like this and the little boy's singing throughout the film was perfectly justified within this genre. Imagine if The Sound of Music didn't have any music in it!? it would be nothing but a bunch of kids bopping up and down in the mountains to nothing! NOTHING!!!! Would they name the film The Sound of Nothing then!? My point is; the crew of the lube mobile were just there for the sake of being there just as the irrelevant children in the sound of music were there to bob up and down. I'm expecting the soundtrack of this film to win a few ARIAs this Sunday and put Delta to shame.

Yuri: Mark, the movie was crap. You can dance with small children and masturbate over Julie Andrews all the times you like - it doesn't change the fact that the whole genre is rubbish.

Mark: No, you are rubbish. I hate you.

Yuri: You're just a sook. You know I'm right so you just say 'I hate you' to try and get me to back down. You're a weak little man. I hope you die.

Mark: No, you die! I hope you choke on your fucking champagne!

Yuri: Oh, so I'm the one living the high life, sipping champagne with the stars all day?! Last year at the Cannes festival I spent the whole time trying to get you into the studio to film our review segment and you just refused to do anything but drink Don Perignone with Pauly Shore!

Mark: Hey! I'm not the one with Gucci sunglasses! And, anyway, did I say ANYTHING about you living the high life? I just wanted you to choke on your fucking champagne! Nothing else. I don't even know why you were at Cannes. The TV network only paid for me to go. Holy shit, is the camera still on?

Yuri: Oh fuck, it is too... anyway, I give this film a GPA 1.

Mark: GPA 6.