Morrissey Owns You

I love Morrissey. What sane human being wouldn't? After all, haven't all of you, at some point in your petty lives, gone to a club with the intention of meeting someone who really loves you only to spend the whole night standing on your own then leaving on your own, going home, crying and wanting to die?

For the unitiated, Morrissey was the frontman for seminal 80's British pop outfit, The Smiths. His plethoric cynicism and lyrics which conveyed a seemingly perpetual hopelessness struck a chord with the disaffected youth of the time and continue to be relevant today. Morrissey possessed, and still possesses, a disturbing ability to pry into the most depraved and pessimistic areas of the human mind - places which people, beyond fearing to tread, would like to believe would not even exist. Look at this snippet from the Smith's beautifully titled Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now:

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I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

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The message of these lyrics is quite simple, and a poignant one: No matter what you do with your life you are going to be miserable. If you spend months searching for a job so that you can do something with your life, you will still be miserable. Your employers and workmakes just treats you like a binary digit - they wouldn't give a fuck if you died. Whenever you walk down the street, you will pass two lovers who are both much happier than you - and that will make you even more miserable. I'm going to sing this song to my children in the future - just to make sure that they don't grow up with any ambition or high expectations of the outside world.

You would think that age would mellow out this wonderfully insane and bitter man. Not so. He continued to pump out the goods, going on to write songs such as Last Night I Dreamed that Somebody Loved Me, Unloveable, Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want and I Have Forgiven Jesus. So how does a filthy rich, charming, handsome rock god manage to stay bitter and angry? Easy. He just deprives himself of any gratification from the opposite sex by remaining celibate throughout his 20's and 30's. That's right: Morrissey, a handsome rock god, remained a celibate vegetarian throughout his many years of fame. Some people think he's a narcissist who keeps 10 foot tall photographic portraits of himself in his house and is obsessed with his own image. At first I thought this is a bit wierd and sick - but it occurred to me that if I was Morrissey that I would be a narcissist as well. Makes sense to me.

I've just realised that this rant is getting a bit long, particularly for a topic that nobody is interested in except for me (and Morrissey himself - him being a narcissist and all), so I will just leave you all with some lyrics from his disgusting effort from last year's You Are the Quarry album, the blasphemous and crushingly depressing I Have Forgiven Jesus. Sleep well, children.

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I was a good kid, I wouldn't do you no harm.
I was a nice kid, with a nice paper round.
Forgive me any pain I may have brung to you
with God's help I know, I'll always be near to you

But Jesus hurt me when he deserted me
but I have forgiven you, Jesus
For all the desire you placed in me when there's nothing I can do with this desire.

I was a good kid through hail and snow
I'd go just to moon you and I carried my heart in my hand
Do you understand? Do you understand?

But Jesus hurt me when he deserted me
but I have forgiven you Jesus for all of the love you placed in me when there's no one I can turn to with this love

Monday - humiliation
Tuesday - suffocation
Wednesday - condescension
Thursday - is pathetic
By Friday life has killed me

Why did you give me so much desire when there is nowhere I can go to offload this desire?
And why did you give me so much love in a loveless world when there is no one I can turn to
To unlock all this love?
And why did you stick in self deprecating bones and skin?
Jesus do you hate me?
Why did you stick in self deprecating bones and skin?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?

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Some people would say that Morrissey is a little out of his depth when he forgives Jesus, but what the fuck would they know..