My Proposed Change to the Constitution of Australia

To the Honorable John Howard - Prime Minister of Australia,

Some very disturbing behaviour amongst this country's young people has become apparent to me and I feel it is my duty as a citizen of your country to alert you to it.

About 4 years ago, I made the unfortunate error of tuning into a commercial television station during prime time. What I proceeded to set my eyes upon frightened and confused me like nothing I have ever experienced in my life: for an entire half hour I sat in disbelief as approximately 10 of the most boring, giggly, stupid young people I have ever set my eyes on wandered around a house. I couldn't believe it. I was sitting in a house, watching other people sitting around in a house. My intelligence felt insulted. I felt ashamed. And yes, Mr. Howard, I felt unAustralian.

I may have stood a chance of not letting this incident cause me to lose faith in all of humanity had I not discovered that the person in the house who the Australian public deems the most adept at walking around and giggling about sex recieves 1 million dollars.

1 million dollars. Stop and think about that.

But it gets worse, Mr. Howard. 4 years on from this terrible discovery I suddenly find that left, right and centre are people who are chomping at the bit to be a contestant on the next series of Big Brother. Many of these people I may have once been fooled into respecting, or even liking. It has reached the point where I can take it no longer - I believe that the consequences of inaction in this matter are far greater than any damage we may do in attempting to remedy this problem.

I will be blunt: Anybody in this country who is so worthlessly unambitious that they think the best way for them to make something of their lives is to get filmed sitting in a house giggling about sex should be whipped and/or stoned into submission before their burden on this great country of ours becomes too great. And to further prevent potential damage to our social fabric, anybody who is caught, even briefly, pondering the idea of auditioning for Big Brother should be issued an official warning by the government (which will come in the form of a lobotomy).

My ways are tough but fair, Mr. Howard. I hope you come to appreciate the seriousness of this situation before it gets out of hand.

Yours sincerely

Yuri Koskov-Koskov

p.s. Question Time is awesome. I never miss it.