Where are all the ugly people?

I was wandering around university the other day when I realised that everyone I passed by, the women in particular, was extremely attractive. I was confused. What did this mean? Does this mean that because clearly everyone on the university grounds is attractive and I am on the university grounds that I am, by basic deduction, attractive? Or does it mean that I am some kind of anomaly, i.e. the most unattractive person at UQ?

Of course, neither of these are correct. I am not attractive, nor am I an anomaly. In fact, inconspicuous probably describes me best. I have been objectively rated as a 5 on a GPA scale of attractiveness and thus, just like my university results themselves, I am not good enough to warrant praise nor am I bad enough to incite fits of vomiting and loathing.

This incident does, however, beg the question: where are all the unattractive women? They must be somewhere. They're certainly not doing Arts or Social Sciences as all the people in those faculties are well-groomed, well-dressed and well... attractive. They're certainly not doing Physiotherapy and just as certainly not doing Law. Many of you, I'm sure, are trying to stop me here to point out that they are probably all doing IT or Engineering. I will, however, rebut. Although it is most definitely true that the quality of women in the ITEE faculties is extremely poor, it is also true that the ratio of women to men is around 4:1, or worse. So, while the engineering world can account for some of the world's unattractive women - it certainly can't account for many.

Some may, at this point, point out that the only demographics i'm bothering to study are those of individual faculties in just one of the world's many universities. That's because I don't know anything about the world outside of university. And what the fuck are you going to do about it? Shut the hell up, you pedant.

I'd like to make this article a call to arms for all the ugly people of the world. Come out, wherever you are. I still respect all of you, even if nobody else does.

Amen.