Gum

I'm not a gum guy. I'd like to be able to say at this point 'and I've never been a gum guy', but that's not true. I went through a frantic and, in retrospect, quite beautiful Hubba Bubba phase which intensified in 1995 when they released their 'Raspberry Swirl' flavour. It only cost 50 cents and I used to go to the Cosy Corner on West St to buy it along with a packet of Beef Jerky. Then I would bring it home and show it to my friends. So, I hear you all saying at this point, 'how does Raspberry Swirl Hubba Bubba become a conversation piece?' Simple. It's got a swirl in the middle. You take it out of the wrapper, point at the swirl, say 'hey, look, it's got a swirl in it!' and WULLAH, you have a conversation piece sure to stimulate even the most closed of 9 year old minds.

The Hubba Bubba phase continued, to some extent, throughout my high school years when I would occasionally purchase their new Strawberry flavour which was the closest thing they had to Raspberry Swirl when the Hubba Bubba company decided to stop making Raspberry Swirl. Despite having a not completely dissimilar taste, the Strawberry Hubba Bubba and the Raspberry Swirl Hubba Bubba differed in two significant ways:

a) A Strawberry and a Raspberry are two completely different fruits
b) The Strawberry Hubba Bubba didn't have a swirl in it.

My Hubba Bubba phase slowly died away in my mid-high school years but despite my lukewarm attitude to gum during this period, it did produce what was my only notable act of thievery. The story behind this thievery is as follows:

I stole a packet of Hubba Bubba.

Hubba Bubba is disgusting and ruins your teeth. That may be why I stopped buying it. Another theory, which is actually probably true, states that I stopped buying it because I had mysteriously lost the ability to chew it. Every time I stuck it in my mouth I couldn't resist the temptation to eat it like a piece of candy (americanism). This was not a problem because it tasted bad or damaged my health. It was a problem because I would finish the entire packet of Hubba Bubba in the space of about 2 minutes. At this point in time the price of Hubba Bubba had skyrocketed to about a dollar. This was not acceptable.

That's why I'm not a gum guy.