Temporarily Out of Material
Hello everyone,
Twice this week I have attempted to sit down and write a blog article and failed to even put finger to keyboard (N.B. that was an amusing play on the phrase 'to put pen to paper' - I'm so clever! Hahahaha!).
I came up with an idea for another person who could be considered one of the Worst People in the World - but alas I have forgotten who it was. I briefly considered putting Emma Tom in that category only to realise that aside from briefly mentioning my burning desire to feed her to piranhas and the fact that she's now a frequent (and even more frequently annoying) guest on channel 7's Sunrise show, I don't actually have all that much to say on the issue.
Perhaps I should talk about something current and topical. The pope died. There - it's topical, current and amusing. Doo di doo.
Here is a list of 5 things to think about when you're bored or suffering a bout of insomnia.
- How much you hate Emma Tom
- How much you hate the fact that Emma Tom is successful and works in cushy media jobs and you're not
- How fun it would be to lock Ben Lee and Emma Tom in an inescapable room for an indefinite amount of time without food or water. See how long it takes before one of them gets hungry and tries to eat the other one and then sit back and enjoy the fruits of your sadism.
- Masturbating. Don't do it. Just think about it.
- Golf.
posted by Biggles @ 6:01 pm
15 Comments:
Jack disagrees strongly about your views on masturbation, and the recently deceased pope probably shared the same views. note the past tense, ha ha. Jack believes that Jack is funny.
The american vegatable died too. Two less mouths to feed (bad joke on purpose)
Jack says "bring it on" and Jack quotes who?
Who the heck is Emma Tom?
she is a giant set of teeth, that talks.....
Go here for a biography:
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.
au/common/story_page
/0,5744,1860524%255E12275,00.html
If you apply conversation analysis to your article, it appears that you want to sleep with Emma Tom, and you find her large, horse-like teeth to be reminiscent to your mother, who you have slept with on a number of occasions.
In this regard, Koskov, I think an interesting article would be five celebrities you would like to sleep with. I would also give them a G.P.A., and discuss why they would be better in bed than your previous sexual encounters, which have been either dull, made-up, or involving someone other than you thought.
Jack, are still coming to the parti? We need you Jack, we love you Jack.
Jack was not coming to the party, cause Jack was going to have sex with a celebrity.
This fell through, and so Jack was at the party.
Hey Jack and Koskov, I was once staying in the same hotel as a well-known American performer, whilst visiting Sydney at the Olympic Games. At the midday meal I was thinking of approaching her with a witty anecdote about the fish, and how it tasted more like human than fish, when her rude bodyguard said I should step away from the table. I was quite upset, and told my father, who suggested I visit the local store and purchase a Golden Gaytime for him, as he was feeling peckish as he didn't like the fish, he thought it tasted like chicken, which is like human, which was like the fish.
Later that night I was in the lobby perusing the travel brochures which suggested visitng the Opera House, when the famous American performer walked past, and said 'Hey'. I said 'hey' and 'she said Wastsup'. I said I was looking at travel brouchures of the Opera House, and she said she'd like to go.I said 'Why don't we go tomorrow and catch us a real fish, not like the small child they served us at lunch'. She laughed and said we should go at dusk, when it will look cool with the sunset. I said 'See you at 5.00?'
The next day we saw the Opera House and I had sex with her on the Opera House steps.
The celebrity - Beyonce Knowles, who, as we all know, is now in the band 'Destiny's Child'. It seems Beyonce named the band after out still-born child who was conceived on the Opera House steps, in a moment of Destiny for Beyonce. I thought she was a little bit fat and haven't thought about her since.
Does anyone else have a celebrity story?
Jack is upset! The good doctor stole that story from Jack!
It was Jack at the hotel, Jack with the fish anecdote, Jack who had sex on the Opera House steps, but it was not Beyonce, it was Angelina Jolie.
But there was no child, as Jack shoots blanks. bang bang!!
Angelina Jolie?
Why do all your stories contain a hint of white supremacy? Angelina Jolie is a 4 on my G.P.A. scale.
Regards.
Jack beleives Jolie is a 6.5 GPA.
Another 6.5 on the GPA scale would be Catherine Zeta-Jones for Jack.
Jack's 7 would be Sean Connery!
And Jack is not a supremacist of any particular color. Well not that Jack knows anyway. Maybe when Jack leaves the south, Jack may change his mind.
What, if any, is the actual objection to Emma Tom? Whilst she tends towards the trivial I think she's a very readable journalist. Given that her job is, in fact, to be a hip young thing writing about interesting and wacky circumstances I think she does all that can be asked of her.
I agree with the idea that Koskov needs to write a piece on his top 5 celebrities. Writing out top 5 lists is up there with picking your Australian XI/XIII/XV side in terms of shit activities that are really quite a lot of fun.
I'd go Emma Tom, but I'd be thinking of Margo Kingston
i haven't read an entire Emma Tom article in a long while (for obvious reasons) so i don't know what her work is like at the moment. It was around 2002 that I read a few of her articles which i didn't like - thus prompting my dislike of her.
The articles I read all seemed to be her whining about the same stuff - how all men are superficial and how much she detests attractive women and the fact that they try so hard to be attractive. Basically, they all sounded like unguided rants which were too busy being marinated in Emma's bitterness to be at all thought provoking or entertaining.
I haven't read anything recent, but as a general rule of thumb (say if you were going through some sort of archive) Emma Tom is an interesting read on any topic except when she does some bullshit investigative piece into online dating/dating agencies/speed dating.
Interestingly, I've long found that her and Philip Adams tend to be good or bad at the same time.
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