Rating Animals Out of 7
Dog: The Review
Full marks for variety here - any species which can lay claim to the Pug Dog, Sausage Dog and Great Dane deserves a big pat on the back for sheer eclecticism. But is this a good thing? Whilst the creators of dog have successfully demonstrated to us their broad, sprawling design skills; their body of work also demonstrates a frustrating lack of focus. A Chiwawa and a Greyhound may amuse greatly on their own but, placed side by side in a larger context, fail to provoke any real synergy; which is really what you want from a species. The creators of dog would have done well to have a chat to the creators of giraffe before releasing their final product. Giraffes are consistent, placid and interesting - if only the same could be said for dog.
RATING: 2.8/7
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Birds: The Review
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Birds: The Review
Whilst birds undoubtedly suffer from the same excessive eclecticism that dogs do (Chicken and Rainbow Lorikeet, anyone?), they come painstakingly close to overcoming this due to one nifty trait: they can fly. How awesome is that? Seriously, stop to think for a moment about how awesome that is. Humans spent millions of years working their way up from making spears out of rocks to where they are today where they can build vessels which can move through the air. Even with all this advance, you can still only stay up there for as long as your fuel will last, it's noisy, environmentally unfriendly and will often result in you spending 24 hours sitting next to a vomiting baby named 'Trevor'. Yet birds just get up and do it without trying. Flying is so basic and insignificant to birds that if you asked one 'so what does it feel like to fly?' it would have no idea what you were talking about (particularly if the bird only spoke Spanish).
RATING: 4.5/7
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A Morsel of Blue Putty: The Review
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A Morsel of Blue Putty: The Review
Easily domesticated and endearingly obedient, A Morsel of Blue Putty is one of the most efficient and focused releases of the animal kingdom. Unlike dog, where variety is shoved down your throat, putty comes in a small but appealing selection of breeds (green and blue are dominant in this area). It may not be able to fly but it sure as hell will stick to your roof. I'd like to see a bird who can do that! A model example for all aspiring contributors to the world of the animal...
RATING: 6.6/7
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more reviews soon....
posted by Biggles @ 10:08 pm
11 Comments:
jack says hi. jack believes that he doesnt like dogs because it is pirated material. jack is a cat, but believes himself to be a dog.
Jack is appalled at the pathetic attempt made at indendity theft by the scum-sucking-butt-monkey who posted earlier. Not only is it nothing like Jack, it is so poorly written, Jacks guess would be the theif is mentally 4.5 years old.
Jack (as all should know) is a dog person. Jack is distressed at Koskovs poor rating, and apparent disliking to dogs. Jack would rate dogs as the highest of all the animal kingdom with a 6.9/7. Dogs lose 0.1 of a mark because dogs are unable to fly independantly. Koskov is correct when he says birds are cool becuase they can fly.
Jack would like to further cement dogs as the best by saying what other animal will save you from drowning? A dog? Yes! A cat? No! A panther? It will save you, only to eat you! Morsel of Blue Putty? No!
So there it is, solid proof that dogs are the best!
jack thinks jack should explain to jack what indentity theft is. jack claims this to be piracy. And WE jack, WE believe that WE are more like 140,552,129 seconds old to be exact.
Jack will not be drawn into a childish argument by a poor excuse for an imposter.
Jack will not post again, until a formal apology from the fraud and the frauds real identity be made known.
Good day, and possibly good bye Koskov and Koskovs Friends.
Tis a sad day. :(
jack apologises for acting like a child, but only being 4.5 years old, I am sure jack will understand jacks actions.jack begs your forgiveness and pleads that jack not leave.
jack accepts jack's apology. It is ok jack, you are forgiven.
I'd go as far to say that the last two posts are the work of the imposter, who is:
1)not funny
2)not jack
and does nothing to enhance the quality of this fine site.
I'm appalled at the attack upon jack.
The imposter is fairly useless in my opinion. Jack has always enhanced this site with a dry humour based entirely on a blatantly unconventional means of expression.
For the imposter to seek to mock that humour for the very fact that it is indeed blatant, and unconventional is to entirely miss the point of it in the first place.
For that reason I have to agree with jm that it's simply not funny.
I stand in solidarity with jack, and will also henceforth be abandoning posting on this site until reparation is made for this wrong.
Shame.
My diagnosis is the imposter is also 'anonymous', and also hijacking possibly the funniest contributor to this site.
You can't replicate Jack, he has wit, you have a void in your life. Fill it elsewhere.
"Revenge of The Synth says:
DUDE!!! 7 people are boycotting your blog!
Jess Moondragon [ yuri likes birds and guns almost as much as he likes referring to himself in the third person ] says:
i know!
Jess Moondragon [ yuri likes birds and guns almost as much as he likes referring to himself in the third person ] says:
its CRAAAAAAAAAAAAZU
Revenge of The Synth says:
should i apologise?
Revenge of The Synth says:
its like a social experiment!
Jess Moondragon [ yuri likes birds and guns almost as much as he likes referring to himself in the third person ] says:
perhaps you should
Jess Moondragon [ yuri likes birds and guns almost as much as he likes referring to himself in the third person ] says:
i cant think of any otehr alternative
Revenge of The Synth says:
hahah
Jess Moondragon [ yuri likes birds and guns almost as much as he likes referring to himself in the third person ] says:
haah
Revenge of The Synth says:
damn
Jess Moondragon [ yuri likes birds and guns almost as much as he likes referring to himself in the third person ] says:
can you?
Revenge of The Synth says:
yeah i will"...
I'm sorry everyone, especially Jack©. Don't punish koskov for my wrong doings. I just wanted to feel what it was like to be Jack© for a day. It's pretty shit, I don't rate it.
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